If you place value on your life by devaluing the lives of others, then you fail to recognize the beauty in people. You not only lose opportunities to embrace the differences in other human beings; but you rob yourself of knowing true joy and living fully. -Stella Awua Larbi
My name is Stella and I cherish life. I am human, a child of God, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a sister, and a physician.
It feels like a breath of fresh air to live in an environment where I am not judged by the hue of melanin in my complexion. It is wonderful to live in a place where I am completely oblivious to my pigmentation.
I have had the opportunity of fully experiencing two different worlds.
I grew up in Ghana, a place where the majority of people have a similar complexion to me. My teachers, people in positions of authority, movie stars, villains and heroes, the rich and poor, strong and weak were all the same color. Therefore, there were no specific physical characteristics attributed to certain behaviors and judgement passed on people was not based on skin pigmentation. The same was true of intellect. People’s learning capabilities were not judged based on skin pigmentation. Growing up in an environment where the world is free from negative labels enabled me to align myself with God’s Word early in life. I know what He thought of me when I was created. He created a woman capable of achieving everything. All things to me were possible.
In confidence I moved here to the U.S. when I was nineteen years old to start college. To my surprise, this was the first time in my life when I was forced to realize that I was different from other people. This difference was not made apparent based on what I saw, but it was apparent from the questions that people asked.
Questions such as: “Where are you from?”, “Why do you have a different accent?”, “How did you become fluent in English?”, “When are you going back to where you came from?” I did not take offense to the questions because I understood that curiosity is often piqued when we encounter individuals who are different from ourselves. In my opinion, I was placed in the best position in the world—I was able to share wisdom and educate others.
Despite having the ability to impart knowledge to the people in my environment, I endured difficulties in unknown territory as a student in college and as a student in medical school. With hard work, prayer, and a stable support system, I overcame every situation.
Nonetheless, as I reflect on all of the years that I have lived in the U.S., mostly great years, I must say, there is nothing that compared to a case of discrimination that my husband and I faced after attending a seemingly normal parent-teacher conference for my then seven-year-old daughter. Our meeting started off by the teacher stating “you are so well dressed”, followed by “your daughter is so good, so well behaved and there are no reasons of concern”. My husband and I asked questions about our daughter’s work. The teacher informed us she would contact us once she had more information regarding our unanswered questions. My husband and I thought that it was a delightful meeting. Unbeknownst to us, this teacher was bothered by our presence. After the meeting, she began questioning our daughter about our “home situation” without our knowledge.
Soon afterwards, our family was being investigated by Child Protective Services because the teacher was concerned that we might be too strict. As much as I see the good in people, for a moment, at that time, I lost hope in humanity. Unfortunately, we had to initiate the tough conversation with our daughter about the realities of perceptions that accompany people with deeper hues of skin pigmentation—a conversation to which no child should be privy.
That moment, though painful, only made us love more, forgive more, and embrace more. Our family abides by the following mantra: We are not defined by other’s perceptions or opinions of us, rather, we are defined by what God says about us. It takes too much effort and energy to act in a hateful and an unforgiving manner. Our command is to Love. And Love always wins.
